Books I wish I'd written - hey, I probably did in a previous life and that's why I'm being punished.

This is my new favourite website, a motley collection of 19th century moral literature for children. Here you'll find miserable orphans, heathen children saved by missionaries, advice for young gentlemen and useful hints and tips on avoiding the pox. All edifying stuff! Here's a taster from an anti-tobacco pamphlet.

"WHEN cigarettes had put into his grave a boy of sixteen--mark you, lads! he's only one of many hurried away in this awful fashion--the press of the country had many things to say.
"To begin with you must know that cigarettes contain at least two actual poisons. One is called nicotine, and one drop of it will kill a full-grown dog. Another is called empyreumatic oil, and two drops of this will kill a cat almost instantly."

The moral of this book is don't leave your fag packet lying around if you have pets.

I want this one reprinted for Pooky and Puggle:

from ETIQUETTE FOR LITTLE FOLKS.
SUSIE SUNBEAM'S SERIES.

If you pass by your parents at any place, where you see them, either by themselves or with company, always bow to them.

Never speak to your parents without some title of repect, as Sir, Madam, &c.
Dispute not, nor delay to obey your parents' commands.

Never grumble, or show discontent at any thing your parents appoint, speak or do.
If any command or errand is given you to perform, do it with alacrity.
Bear with meekness and patience, and without murmuring or sullenness, your parents' reproofs or corrections, even if it should sometimes happen that they are undeserved.

Gotcha!

God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large majority of the human race. - Robert G. Ingersoll

The Jehovah's witnesses called today, when Pooky was at school, so I decided to tell them what I thought. Which to be concise, was that I wasn't happy with them spreading homophobia in their publications by calling gay marriages 'immoral' and likening them to paedophilia. (what the fuck?!?!)
We had a good old chat about it, and according to the JWs, gay people can, and should, be changed. So I played what I like to call the Hitler card. I reminded them that homosexuals and Jehovah's Witnesses were both herded into the death camps and that perhaps a little tolerance was called for, if the same thing were not to be repeated. They liked this theme. They told me all about the atrocities the nazis inflicted on the brave witnesses to get them to deny their faith, but they wouldn't budge. And all credit to them. So I think they're mad. No reason to kill 'em. Hell, the more blood in the bloodbank for me, the better.
SO, JWs, my point was, if the WITNESSES couldn't change, WHY should the gay people? And why are people who try to pedal their religion based on the idea that they love everyone, spouting the kind of ideas I'd expect to find in Mein Kampf?
HUH?

Surely, I thought, I've got rid of them now. But no, they thanked me for the debate, said they welcomed feedback and said they'd see me next time.

All together now, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARrGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

No, but I've got this great idea for next time see, it involves a goat's head and some upside down crosses.........

Life With Nano

I am eight days into Nanowrimo (write a 50,000 word novel in a month! Lose all your friends! Email and phone no-one! Fail to Wash, etc etc you get my drift) and sodding crap I am bored. Yeah, I know I'll feel a massive sense of achievement when the currently limply titled "Hannah's Worst Nightmare" is finished, but it is seriously eating into my pissing about on the internet and drinking beer time. And even now I am only writing this blog in order to put off Nano-ing.
Ach well, I am having two days off this weekend, as I am going to my Grandfather-in-law's 90th birthday party. I am sure it will all seem much better after that.