Monday, May 14, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Crew Members Wanted
Who needs Legoland?
There's a new £62m tourist attraction being built in Kent. (sips brandy)
DICKENS WORLD.
(swigs brandy, weeps, tightens pyjama cord around neck)
Yep, according to the BBC (and I checked the date - it's April the 16TH not the 1ST) some enlightened souls are busily constructing this sub-literary abomination in a warehouse next to the Odeon muliplex in Gillingham, which features the 'Magwitch's Escape' boat ride, 'Scrooge's Haunted House', The Goblins Who Stole a Sexton And Took Him On The Rollercoaster and the Child Labour In a Blacking Factory Experience.
I only made up the last one. Maybe.
"The overall effect is rather like Disney painted brown and plunged into twilight." says someone at the BBC. Crew members will be required to master the following phrases:
"It's a threatening, socio-economically divided, sinister world after all"
"Cor blimey guv'nor is that an eel in yer pocket?"
"SOME MORE? Do you want to go supersize for 30p?"
Gahhhhhh....
"Dickens would have loved it," coos another vox-pop, "he was the master showman!"
No love, that was Phineas T. Barnum.
It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.........
There's a new £62m tourist attraction being built in Kent. (sips brandy)
DICKENS WORLD.
(swigs brandy, weeps, tightens pyjama cord around neck)
Yep, according to the BBC (and I checked the date - it's April the 16TH not the 1ST) some enlightened souls are busily constructing this sub-literary abomination in a warehouse next to the Odeon muliplex in Gillingham, which features the 'Magwitch's Escape' boat ride, 'Scrooge's Haunted House', The Goblins Who Stole a Sexton And Took Him On The Rollercoaster and the Child Labour In a Blacking Factory Experience.
I only made up the last one. Maybe.
"The overall effect is rather like Disney painted brown and plunged into twilight." says someone at the BBC. Crew members will be required to master the following phrases:
"It's a threatening, socio-economically divided, sinister world after all"
"Cor blimey guv'nor is that an eel in yer pocket?"
"SOME MORE? Do you want to go supersize for 30p?"
Gahhhhhh....
"Dickens would have loved it," coos another vox-pop, "he was the master showman!"
No love, that was Phineas T. Barnum.
It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.........
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Nobody Likes Me
Everybody hates me
I'm going down the garden to scrape the pigeon shit off the swings
Yes, it's that time of year again..........
I'm going down the garden to scrape the pigeon shit off the swings
Yes, it's that time of year again..........
Thursday, March 01, 2007
A Conversation With My Daughter
Me: I love you.
Puggle: I love pudding.
Me: Do you love me?
Puggle: I love fruit corners!
Puggle: I love pudding.
Me: Do you love me?
Puggle: I love fruit corners!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Reasons To Be Cheerless
- We had the most grim fish ever for tea. It was yuck. Foul. Bleargh.
- The house two doors down from us is for sale. It has a garage, two toilets and more space than a matchbox. It is £2 more than our shitpit.
- Clicked on BBC news - transpires that taking vitamins can shorten your life.
- I am supposed to be saving that bottle of wine until Friday.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I Have Become What Most I Feared
OK, so I haven't morphed into George W Bush, but it's almost as bad.
I've joined the PTA.
They call it Friends of Lakeside, which sounds more innocuous.
But I can't lie.
To coin a phrase, sometimes I give myself the creeps.....
I've joined the PTA.
They call it Friends of Lakeside, which sounds more innocuous.
But I can't lie.
To coin a phrase, sometimes I give myself the creeps.....
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