Crew Members Wanted

Who needs Legoland?

There's a new £62m tourist attraction being built in Kent. (sips brandy)

DICKENS WORLD.

(swigs brandy, weeps, tightens pyjama cord around neck)

Yep, according to the BBC (and I checked the date - it's April the 16TH not the 1ST) some enlightened souls are busily constructing this sub-literary abomination in a warehouse next to the Odeon muliplex in Gillingham, which features the 'Magwitch's Escape' boat ride, 'Scrooge's Haunted House', The Goblins Who Stole a Sexton And Took Him On The Rollercoaster and the Child Labour In a Blacking Factory Experience.

I only made up the last one. Maybe.

"The overall effect is rather like Disney painted brown and plunged into twilight." says someone at the BBC. Crew members will be required to master the following phrases:

"It's a threatening, socio-economically divided, sinister world after all"

"Cor blimey guv'nor is that an eel in yer pocket?"

"SOME MORE? Do you want to go supersize for 30p?"

Gahhhhhh....

"Dickens would have loved it," coos another vox-pop, "he was the master showman!"

No love, that was Phineas T. Barnum.

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.........