Another one bites the dust…….

John the driving instructor almost had a coronary tonight as I stopped at a roundabout in front of a lorry 52x bigger than his car. Apparently it would be looking ahead, seeing the road was clear and expecting to go. Frankly, if you’re driving behind a car with a big red ‘L’ on top, you should be expecting anything. Apparently my gear changes are rough, my braking is too hard, I am too slow/fast (delete as mood strikes you) and above all, I need to go out in the car with my spouseling and get some practice. Gee, really? Hey just imagine, if we had someone to sit with the kids while I did that, who knows, maybe I’d be saving £439 a month on nursery fees!

Anyway, York’s road users can breathe again, as I HAVE BLOODY GIVEN UP. After a hard day’s graft, the last thing I need is to miss putting my kids to bed just to be panicked and shouted at by a bloke who is a living illustration of what happens to your BMI if you sit in a car all day long. Sorry John, but you’ve made me so desperately in love with my bike that I fear for my marriage.

A YEAR AND A HALF OF LESSONS!

Geez, with the cash I’ve wasted on driving lessons, I could have taken the kids to Disneyland. And that’s just one week of BSM. John was cheap, but he still charged £18 an hour, which is more than I got for teaching GCSE. Can you imagine if I’d started shouting at the kids, “NOOOOOOOOOO!!! That’s dangerous, you can’t put that apostrophe there, you keep doing the same thing in every essay!!!!!!”

WHAT WILL I SPEND THE MONEY ON!!!

I’m almost giddy at the thought. A cycle trailer, one of those funky half-bikes for brats that attach to your bike, loads and loads of waterproof clothing…….oh, and 3 litres of Chardonnay a week.

COS I’M NOT DRIVING – BWAHAHA!!!